"TIPs & QUIPs" Archive

Subject: Lifescope TIPs & QUIPs [06] "Authenticity"


TIPs & QUIPs, the free occasional e-mail of helpful hints and quotes (and
sometimes challenging suggestions) for getting the most from life.

In this issue:
     *** WiseWords
     *** This Issue's Theme
     *** Suggested Resources
     *** Thrive On! Recommended Site

*** WiseWords ***
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I yam what I yam."
  --Popeye the Sailor

"Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud."
  --Sophocles

"If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor."
  --Albert Einstein

(For a collection of some of our favorite WiseWords, see our web page at
<http://www.lifescope.com/pages/WiseWords.html>.)


*** This issue's theme:  A U T H E N T I C I T Y
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What exactly does it mean to 'Be Authentic?' (If you ask "be authentically
what?", then you REALLY need to read this issue.) 

To get us warmed up to this issue's topic, I'll list some of the usual 
meanings of 'authentic':

  *  genuine, real, true, not counterfeit
  *  worthy of trust, reliance, or belief
  *  sincere, free from hypocrisy or dishonesty
  *  devoid of pretense
  *  being true to oneself
  *  acting according to values regardless of result

To live authentically -- to live fully WHO YOU REALLY ARE in the face of
professional demands, other's desires, and your own fears -- is one of the
most oppressed (and repressed) needs in human existence. Maslow put it at the
top of his famous hierarchy of needs, and called it self-actualization (the
process where we strive to develop and live up to our self-concept).

The internal experience of living authentically is looking within yourself for
the answers, rather than looking to see what is expected, and trying to
conform. When, even momentarily, you are free from striving for recognition or
approval -- THEN you are living more authentically. To act otherwise means you
will invalidate some part of yourself. (Of course, the irony is that often we
would achieve more recognition and approval in the bigger picture, if we
remained consistent with our values.)

Now it is natural that we look to others to help define ourselves. As children
we adopted those traits and values that our parents approved of, so we did
more of whatever gave us that positive feedback. We usually continue this
behavior with other significant persons, like our boss or spouse. In other
words, we 'allow' other people to decide what is 'right or wrong' for us. If,
at some point in our growth process, we don't break away to start thinking and
valuing for ourselves, we lose touch of our own sensing ability and inner
process. We won't develop responsibility for ourselves -- the ability to
decide what is 'right for us,' regardless of other's opinions. And until we 
do that, we can't take full responsibility for our own behavior. Here are
two examples how in-authenticity might manifest itself:

     Have you ever felt devalued or invalidated? This is because the
     external pressures were so great as to overcome your internal
     belief in yourself. It's a throwback to an early stage of your
     development. Your options? You can: 1) take it and stagnate, 2)
     over-react and nuke the oppressor, or 3) stand up for yourself,
     with or without confronting the oppressor (who might not really
     be an oppressing you, anyway).

     Do you wish that you could connect more, and more meaningfully,
     with people? Another funny irony, is that if we shape-shift to
     accommodate others so they'll like us, then they're really not
     liking the real us. Then we lose two ways, as well as wasting
     energy concealing our authentic self. If we present our real
     self, then we provide something solid to really connect with. And
     since you can't please anybody all the time, so you may as well
     please yourself.

One more comment about the nature of authenticity as it relates to personal
development: People are continually evolving -- so who we are, our awareness
of who we are, and what values we possess are in a progressive mode of change.
Therefore, authenticity is more of process than a fixed state, as well.

So I'll add one more definition to the above list:
  *  Authenticity is the act of making our behavior consistent with the person
     we understand ourselves to be at the time.

Here is your Authenticity Challenge:
   Live your life out loud, without apologies.
   And if you feel you must apologize, then change your life!


*** Suggested Resources ***
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Daring to be Yourself
  by Alexandra Stoddard
Create beauty, harmony and individuality in your life by developing your
unique personal style and home, work and play.

     (softcover book, 300 pp) Item# G3271-BK
          SRP$14.00  (see link for special price)
        Buy this item online now at Lifescope.com or Amazon.com.


What You Can Change & What You Can't
  by Martin Seligman, PhD
We live in the age of self-improvement. But which of our traits is inherited,
and which can we change through our thoughts and actions? Can we thank our dad
for our hot temper or our mom for our natural optimism? Or can we take credit
for remaking ourselves? Before you get too unhappy at failed attempts to
modify your behavior, know if the genetic cards are stacked against you.
Martin Seligman, PhD shares the latest research on anxiety, addictions, anger,
dieting, phobias, depression, sexual dysfunction, and more.

     (hardcover book, 317pp) Item# E4283-BH
          SRP$24.95  (see link for special price)
        Buy this item online now at Lifescope.com.


     (softcover book, 317pp) Item# E4283-BK
          SRP$12.00  (see link for special price)
        Buy this item online now at Lifescope.com or Amazon.com.


     (1 audiotape, 90 min) Item# E4283-AT
          SRP$12.00  (see link for special price)
        Buy this item online now at Lifescope.com or Amazon.com.


 *** Unlike life, your Lifescope purchase is RISK-FREE: 
 *** Visit our secure online store with your VISA/MC/Discover/AMEX.
 *** Your satisfaction is absolutely guaranteed or your money back!


*** Thrive On! Recommended Site ***
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Constructive Living  <http://www.anamorph.com/todo/cl.html>
If you are familiar with therapy, personally or professionally, then you are
mostly familiar with models of mental health which are rooted in European
psychology. Psychologist and author David Reynolds, has synthesized and
adapted many of the theoretical and practical methods of two Japanese forms of
therapy: Morita and Naikan. These principles are rooted in a very different
view of the mind...
* Feelings must be recognized and accepted as they are.
Rather than try to fix, transform, ignore or "work through" unpleasant
feelings, CL simply advises people to accept their moment to moment feeling
states, shifting attention to what can be done to change the situation
constructively.
* Every feeling, however unpleasant, has its uses.
Fear tells us we may need to protect ourselves. Anxiety helps us prepare more
thoroughly. Physical pain tells us we may need medical care. Rather than see
feelings as "bad" and "good", Constructive Living suggests that while a
feeling might be experienced as unpleasant, it still serves some useful
purpose.
* Feelings can be indirectly influenced by behavior.
Though we can't control our feelings directly by our will, we can often
influence them by what we do. Taking action often causes us to feel
differently. A lonely person who asks someone out on a date or organizes a
dinner party is likely to affect his or her feelings of loneliness. Feelings
of depression or lethargy are often influenced by vigorous exercise.
* Feelings are uncontrollable directly by the will.
You can't simply make yourself feel what you want to feel. You can't make
yourself fall in love with someone or feel grateful to someone who has just
hurt you. You can't willfully and reliably change your feelings when you're
feeling depressed or lonely. While western methods of therapy are intent on
changing such feeling states, Constructive Living suggests that it was not
possible, nor even desirable.


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The contents herein are solely the opinions of Lifescope editors, and should 
not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of 
validity or accuracy. Lifescope therefore assumes no responsibility for injury
and specifically disclaims any warranty, express or implied, of fitness or 
merchantability for a particular purpose. Besides, actual mileage may vary.

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