"TIPs & QUIPs" Archive

Subject: Lifescope TIPs & QUIPs [13] "Why People Don't Set Goals"

Of COURSE you're different! YOU know how to set goals. [Especially since 
you've been reading TIPs & QUIPs.]  ;-)   But maybe it's not exactly second 
nature to you. This week,you might benefit from a look at the reasons why 
OTHER people don't set goals...  Good reading!   --Lee Lukehart

TIPs & QUIPs, the free occasional email of helpful hints and quotes (and
sometimes challenging suggestions) for getting the most from life.

In this issue:
     *** WiseWords
     *** This Issue's Theme
     *** Suggested Resources
     *** Thrive On! Recommended Site


*** WiseWords ***
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The indispensible first step to get the things you want from life is this:
 decide what you want."
  --Ben Stein

"Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself; 
 but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you."
  --Stewart E. White

"All things are difficult before they are easy."
  --Thomas Fuller

"When you are aspiring to the highest place,
 it is honorable to reach the second or even the third rank."
  --Cicero

"Adversity is the first path to truth."
  --Lord Byron

(For a collection of some of our favorite WiseWords, see our web page at
<http://www.lifescope.com/pages/WiseWords.html>.)


*** This issue's theme:  WHY PEOPLE DON'T SET GOALS
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You've read the books, bought the new day planner, gathered the forms --
but you (or someone you know) just can't seem to stay on track with this
goal-setting thing. What gives? Oh, if but we had the time to plumb the
psychology of this one! As usual, the words for thought we place in this
space are just pointers for your further exploration. 

This particular topic is a potent one, we feel, which drives benefits to
all other zones of life. So get ready to look at the following with a
discoverer's eye, to apprehend some clue to spark your understanding.
Some of these excuses may seem harsh -- or real -- you be the judge.

Excerpted with permission, from Maximum Achievement by Brian Tracy:

1. The first reason people don't set goals is that they are simply not
serious. They are talkers instead of doers. They want to be more
successful, they want to improve their lives, but they are not willing to
make the necessary effort. They do not have the "fire in the belly' that
translates into a burning desire to make something of themselves, to make
their lives bigger and better and more exciting.

The only way you can tell what a person really believes is by actions, not
words. It is not what you say, or what you intend, or what you wish or hope
or pray for, but ONLY WHAT YOU DO that counts. Your true values and beliefs
are only and always expressed in your behavior. One person who will take
action is worth ten brilliant talkers who do nothing.

2. The second reason people don't set goals is that they have not yet
accepted responsibility for their lives. I used to think that goals were
the starting point of success until I realized that, until people accept
that they are fully responsible for their lives and for everything that
happens to them, they will not even take this first step.

The irresponsible person is the person who is still waiting for real life
to begin. Such a person uses up all his or her creative energies making
elaborate excuses for his or her failure to make progress, and then buys
lottery tickets and goes home to watch television. 

3. The third reason people don't set goals is their deep-seated feelings of
guilt and unworthiness. A person who is so low mentally and emotionally
that he or she has to "look up to see bottom" is not the kind of person who
confidently and optimistically sets goals for the months and years ahead. A
person who was raised in a negative environment, leaving him or her with
feelings of undeservingness and the attitudes of "What's the use?" and "I'm
not good enough," is hardly capable of serious goal setting.

4. The fourth reason people don't set goals is that they don't realize the
importance of goals. If you were raised in a household in which your parents
did not have goals and the setting and achieving of goals is not a regular
topic of family discussion, you can reach adulthood without even knowing
that there are such things as goals, outside of sports.

If you move in a social circle in which people do not have clearly defined
goals toward which they are working, it will be natural for you to assume
that goals are not a particularly important part of life. Since 80 percent of 
the people around you are going nowhere, if you are not careful you will end 
up drifting with the crowd, following the followers, and going nowhere as well.

If people knew that all their hopes and dreams and plans, all their
aspirations and ambitions, are dependent upon their ability and their
willingness to set goals -- if people realized how important goals are to a
happy, successful life -- far more people would have goals than do today.

5. The fifth reason people don't set goals is that they don't know how. You
can earn a university degree in our society, the equivalent of fifteen or
sixteen years of education, and never once receive an hour's worth of
instruction on goal setting, even though goal setting is more important to
your long-term happiness than any other single subject that you could ever
learn. An even worse mistake that people make is to assume that they
already know how to set goals. A person who assumes that he or she has a
critical skill when, in reality, his or her understanding of it is
rudimentary at best, is in great danger of failing at life.

6. The sixth reason people don't set goals is quite simply the fear of
rejection, or the fear of criticism. From the time we were children, we
have had our hopes and dreams slapped down by the criticism and laughter of
others. Maybe our parents didn't want us to get our hopes up, or to be
disappointed, so they quickly pointed out all the reasons we would not be
able to achieve our goals. Our siblings and friends might have laughed at
us and ridiculed us for thinking about being someone or doing something far
beyond what they could imagine for themselves. These influences can affect
your attitude toward yourself and goal setting for years.

Children are not dumb. They soon learn that "if you want to get along, you
go along." Over time, a child who is constantly criticized or discouraged
stops coming up with new ideas, new dreams, or new goals. He begins the
lifelong process of playing it safe, of selling himself short, and
accepting underachievement in life as inevitable and unavoidable.

The solution to this fear of criticism or sounding foolish is simple: Keep
your goals confidential. Don't tell anybody. All effective goal-setters
finally learn to keep their goals to themselves. No one can laugh at you or
criticize you if he or she doesn't know what your goals are.

There are two exceptions to this practice of confidentiality. The first are
the people, such as your boss or spouse, whose help you will need to
achieve your goals.

And second, you can share your goals with other goal-oriented people,
people who will encourage you in the direction you want to go. You should
also make it a policy to encourage everyone you speak to who tells you
about a goal they have. Tell them to "go for it!" Tell them, "You can do
it." Encouraging others motivates you, as well. It is one of the best
applications of the Law of Sowing and Reaping. If you would like others to
encourage you, take every opportunity to encourage them.

7. The seventh and most predominant reason people do not set goals is the
fear of failure. I cannot repeat often enough, the fear of failure is the
greatest single obstacle to success in adult life. It is what keeps people
in their comfort zones. It is what makes them keep their heads down and
play it safe as the years pass by.

The fear of failure is expressed in the attitude of, "I can't, I can't, I
can't." It is learned in early childhood as the result of destructive
criticism and punishment for doing things your parents disapproved of. Once
entrenched in the subconscious mind, this fear does more to paralyze hope
and kill ambition than any other negative emotion in the human experience.

The major reason for the fear of failure is that most people don't
understand the role of failure in achieving success. The rule is simply
this: It is impossible to succeed without failing. Failure is a
prerequisite for success. The greatest successes in human history have also
been the greatest failures. In the same year that Babe Ruth became the home
run king of baseball, he also struck out more than any other player.

Success is a numbers game. There is a direct relationship between the
number of things you attempt and your probability of ultimately succeeding.
Even if you were the worst player in baseball, if you swung with all your
heart at every ball that came over the plate, you would eventually get a
hit, and if you kept swinging, you would finally get a home run. The
important thing is to swing with all your might and to keep swinging, and
not worry about striking out occasionally.

Napoleon Hill said, "Within every adversity is the seed of an equal or
greater opportunity or advantage." The way to deal with temporary failure
is to seek within each setback for the valuable lesson that it contains.
Approach every difficulty as if it were sent to you at that moment and in
that way to teach you something you need to learn so you can continue
moving forward.

Become an "inverse paranoid": Tell yourself that everything that is
happening is moving you toward the achievement of your goals, even when
temporary failures seem to be moving you away from them. Keep looking for
the good. Great successes are almost always preceded by many failures. It's
the lessons learned from the failures that make the ultimate successes
possible.

Decide, in advance, to take every setback as a spur to greater effort,
especially in business and sales, knowing that you are getting closer and
closer to success with every experience.

Look upon temporary defeat as a signpost that says "STOP, go this way
instead." One of the qualities of leaders is that they never use the words
failure or defeat. Instead, they use words like "valuable learning
experiences" or "temporary glitches."

The great football coach Vince Lombardi had the right spirit. After a game
in which the Green Bay Packers were defeated, one of the reporters asked
Lombardi how he felt about losing. Lombardi replied, "We didn't lose, we
just ran out of time."

You can learn to overcome the fear of failure by being absolutely clear
about your goals, and by accepting that temporary setbacks and obstacles
are the inevitable price you pay to achieve any great success in life.

Brian is an accomplished speaker and author. You can contact him at:
     Brian Tracy International
     462 Stevens Avenue, Suite 202
     Solana Beach, CA 92075
     Phone: 619/481-2977 Fax: 619/481-2445
     website: www.briantracy.com


*** Suggested Resources ***
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maximum Achievement
"A wake-up call to the wonders within us all," this terrific new title by
Brian Tracy, author of the best-selling Psychology of Achievement, will
help you boost your performance in all areas of life. In a fast-moving
series of steps, you'll learn this system of concepts and methods which
Tracy has distilled over the last twenty-five years and has brought
together for the first time here. A veritable encyclopedia of success
skills and strategies, you'll find yourself referring to it often.

     (softcover book, 352pp) Item# E1279-BK
          SRP$12.00  (see link for special price)
Buy this item online now at Lifescope.com or Amazon.com.
Your satisfaction is assured with our RISK-FREE Guarantee!

     (2 audiotapes, 2 hrs) Item# E1279-AT
          SRP$16.00  (see link for special price)
Buy this item online now at Lifescope.com or Amazon.com.
Your satisfaction is assured with our RISK-FREE Guarantee!

     (hardcover book, 353pp)  Item# E1279-BH
          SRP$22.00  (see link for special price)
Buy this item online now at Lifescope.com or Amazon.com.
Your satisfaction is assured with our RISK-FREE Guarantee!

The Psychology of Winning
After years of working with exceptional achievers, Denis Waitley Ph.D. has
isolated the highly developed attitudes and action qualities that guide
their lives. Listeners will be able to transform their high expectations
into real outcomes, concentrate on desires and the rewards of success
instead of fear and failure, and visualize and act out winning situations
to guarantee success.
     (2 audiotapes, 2 hrs) Item# E4150-AT
          SRP$17.00  (see link for special price)
Buy this item online now at Lifescope.com or Amazon.com.
Your satisfaction is assured with our RISK-FREE Guarantee!


*** Thrive On! Recommended Site ***
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Psychological Self-Help, Chap. 11 <http://www.cmhc.com/psyhelp/chap11/chap11e.htm>
This site contains the complete text of this definitive book, online. This
chapter discusses motivation -- the "black-hole" of burning desire --
and suggests ways to change our thoughts, attitudes, self-concept, values,
and expectations. Very thorough, and very well written.


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