Subject: Lifescope TIPs & QUIPs [39] "Friendshifts, part 2"

Dear Reader:

Before we get on with this issue's superb message on Friendship,
I wish to apologize for having disappeared for two months.

Okay, I admit it: sometimes the machine breaks down. I have been
waaay remiss in communicating with you. But I emerge now from the 
cyber shadows to let you know there are big changes in the wind.
The groundwork is being laid to radically reinvent Lifescope, and
evolve what we do.

The naked truth is that we do not sell enough books, tapes &
software to keep our staff employed. We have not successfully
adapted to the changing webscape; our customers are choosing
to buy elsewhere.

And that is as it should be. As a business, we must provide 
compelling value and reasons to buy, or we will cease to exist.
We're not quite ready to throw in the towel, though.

We have been told repeatedly that people appreciate what we do,
that the seeds of life enhancement we spread in TIPs & QUIPs and
on our website at http://www.lifescope.com do take hold.

I would like to take a quick poll, to hear what YOU think. Please
click on one of the links below to send an email letting me
know which of these best describes your opinion on this topic:

 * "Try harder; what you're doing is really valuable."
                mailto:poll@lifescope.com?subject=Try_harder
 * "Move on; it's not working so try something else."
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 * "Here's a thought to consider; what if you..."
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Thanks for taking the time to give me valuable feedback.
I hope you find value in our latest issue of TIPs & QUIPs,
on a topic that touches all of our lives: Making friends.

                                             -- Lee Lukehart

TIPs & QUIPs, the free occasional e-mail of helpful hints and quotes 
(and sometimes challenging suggestions) for getting the most from life. 
[Published sporadically as the urge and the muses grace us.]

In this issue:
     *** WiseWords
     *** This Issue's Theme
     *** Viewpoints (Guest Commentary)
     *** Thrive On! Recommended Resources & Featured Website

*** WiseWords ***                                    [TOP]
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   "The only way to have a friend is to be one."
     --Ralph Waldo Emerson

   "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact
    of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, 
    both of them are transformed."
     --psychiatrist Carl Jung

   "Friendship is almost always the union of a part of one mind 
    with a part of another: people are friends in spots."
     --George Santayana

   "Friendship, of itself a holy tie,
    Is made more sacred by adversity."
     --Charles Caleb Colton

For a collection of some of our favorite WiseWords, see our web page at
<http://www.lifescope.com/pages/WiseWords.html>.)

*** This issue's theme: Friendshifts (part two)              [TOP]
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The edited excerpt that follows is from "Friendshifts: The Power
of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives" by sociologist and
award-winning author Jan Yager, Ph.D. (Hannacroix Creek Books,
1997) This edited excerpt is reprinted for educational purposes
only with permission from the publisher. It may not be reproduced
or reprinted without permission. You may enjoy perusing the
following links for more, related information:
   The author's website: http://www.JanYager.com/friendship
   The publisher's website: http://www.Hannacroix.com


THE STEPS FROM ACQUAINTANCE TO FRIEND

   Acquaintances tend to be based on a specific situation and to
   be convenient relationships; unless the relationship becomes a
   friendship, when the situation ends, so does the relationship.
   
   How do you first make the acquaintances that might become best,
   close, or casual friends? How do you help an acquaintanceship
   along so it becomes a friendship?
   
   First and foremost, VISIBILITY is vital. By being visible, you
   are putting yourself into situations where new acquaintances
   and, subsequently, new friendships are possible. Visibility
   means you get out and are open to acquaintances that you meet
   through work, at religious or community organizations, at the
   PTA, at the playground, by joining a new professional group or
   club, pursuing a hobby or interest, etc.
   
   Visibility will allow the necessary access to those whom you
   wish to befriend, providing the second ingredient to helping an
   acquaintanceship evolve into a friendship, namely, HAVING A
   SHARED EXPERIENCE. 
   
   The third ingredient for an acquaintance to become a friend is
   to EXPAND YOUR INTERACTION beyond the original basis on which
   you and your acquaintance first met and interacted.
   
   The fourth ingredient is TIME. According to my research, it
   took, on average, three years from the time two people met and
   became acquaintances until a genuine tried-and-true friendship
   developed. The time frame of three years from meeting a new
   person to becoming tried-and-true friends makes sense; by that
   time, most acquaintances are no longer convenient. Someone may
   have graduated, switched schools, gotten a promotion, changed
   jobs, moved away, gotten married or divorced, or had a child.
   All those changes are "tests" of your relationship.
   Interestingly, psychologist Dorothy Termov, in her study of
   love entitled Love and Limerance, found it took an average of
   three years for a romantic relationship to be proven a true
   love or just an infatuation.

FINDING OUT YOUR FRIENDSHIP COMPATIBILITY QUOTIENT
   
   Here is a quiz, based on friendship research, to help you
   decide if a specific acquaintanceship you now have is more
   likely to lead to a reciprocal and rewarding best, close, or
   casual friendship.
   
    1. Have you gotten verbal or nonverbal signs from your
       acquaintance that she or he wants to become your friend?
   
    2. Have you the time and the energy to add this friend to the
       friendships you already have?
   
    3. Right now, is friendship very valuable and important to you?
   
    4. Do you and your acquaintance have fun together?
   
    5. Do you and this potential friend have any similar interests?
   
    6. Do you feel comfortable when you and this acquaintance talk
       on the phone?
   
    7. Are you aware of any value disparities between you and your
       acquaintance, but feel that this will not pose a problem?
   
    8. If your religion, ethnic group, or racial background are not
       the same, is this acceptable to both of you?
   
    9. If your socioeconomic class is different, is the difference
       unimportant to both of you?
   
   10. Are you in agreement about how often you need to call or
       see each other?
   
   11. Do you reside or work near each other?
   
   12. Whenever possible, will you return phone calls from your
       friend within 24 hours?
   
   13. Would you keep a prior date with your acquaintance even if
       your romantic partner, date, or spouse suddenly asked you for
       the same time?
   
   14. Do you have the gut feeling of liking this person?
   
   15. Do you think your acquaintance would answer "Yes" to
       questions 13 and 14?
   
   If you answered yes to all of the above questions, you seem
   committed to this acquaintance and compatible with her or him;
   there is a good likelihood she or he could become your friend. If
   you answered no to just a few questions, think about what those
   no answers reveal. Are these situations, feelings, or value
   conflicts you could overlook or work through within yourself or
   with your acquaintance? Now that you have considered your answers
   to these questions, you have to consider what your acquaintance
   might answer to these questions as well.

HELPING AN ACQUAINTANCE BECOME A FRIEND

   There are definite ways to help advance an acquaintanceship to a
   friendship. Even if it still takes a "time test" to see if your
   friendship will last, here are 10 tips to help the process along:
   
   *  Show an interest in your acquaintance's life: family, work,
      hobbies, and personal concerns.
   
   *  If an acquaintance asks you to come through, do it. If you
      say you are too busy ("I would,but..."), you might never be
      asked again, and the relationship might never progress. 
   
   *  Avoid gossiping about your acquaintance.
   
   *  Remember your acquaintance's birthday or any other key
      upcoming anniversaries or special occasions.
   
   *  Return phone calls promptly.
   
   *  Communicate with each other, and see each other, on a
      regular basis.
   
   *  Create as many opportunities as possible for your
      relationship to develop outside of the specific context in
      which you first met.
   
   *  Take cues from your acquaintance about what pace will be
      most comfortable for your relationship.
   
   *  Emphasize shared values and interests.
   
   *  Avoid taking your evolving friendship for granted or leaning
      too heavily on it.

*** Thrive On! Suggested Resources ***                          [TOP]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Friendshifts: The Power of Friendships and How It Shapes Our Lives" 
 by Jan Yager, PhD.
 
A rewarding, sensible self-help manual for making, keeping and
improving friendships. Sociologist Yager's how-to takes its title
from a word she coined, which refers to the way friendships change
as we move through life's stages.

This is a comprehensive exploration of one of the most vital but
least understood relationships that enhances our lives, friendship.
Based on original research beginning with the author's sociology
dissertation, Friendshifts (covers everything from childhood and
friendship to how friendships begin, are maintained, or end; work
and friendship; pets as friends; friendship principles that might
help how you get along with family members, and more.

  (hardcover book, 272pp) Item# B1265-BH
      SRP$22.95 -- Your Price $18.36, You Save 20%!

 Buy this item online now here at Lifescope.com or Amazon.com.
 
     Unlike life, your Lifescope purchase is RISK-FREE:
       |  We accept your VISA/MC/Discover/AMEX.
     Your satisfaction is absolutely guaranteed or your money back!

*** Thrive On! Recommended Site ***                             [TOP]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Spirit of Now
<http://www.peterussell.com>

The crisis facing humanity today is, at its root, a crisis of
consciousness. We are being called to put into practice the
perennial wisdom of the ages; to change our thinking and assume
a greater mastery of our own minds and to guide our destiny. 
This site is offered up by Peter as a step in that direction.

In the mid-seventies he joined forces with Tony Buzan and
helped teach "Mind Maps" and learning methods to a variety of
international organizations and educational institutions. 

His principal interest is the deeper, spiritual significance of
the times we are passing through. He has written several books
in this area -- The TM Technique, The Upanishads, The Brain
Book, The Global Brain Awakens, The Creative Manager, and
Waking Up in Time. As one of the more revolutionary futurists
Peter Russell has been a keynote speaker at many international
conferences, in Europe, Japan and the USA. His multi-image
shows and videos, The Global Brain and The White Hole in Time
have won praise and prizes from around the world. In 1993 the
environmental magazine Buzzworm voted Peter Russell
"Eco-Philosopher Extraordinaire" of the year.

So check him out!

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